Recently while traveling by airplane, I saw a fascinating documentary adventure from 2022 called Kekoa. It was 29 minutes and it was about two brothers growing up in rural Vermont building tree houses and other things.
When Jamison Witbeck graduated with his undergraduate degree in psychology, he did not want to continue to grad school.
His Mom said, “You have your degree and you are free of debt. Why don’t you do what you want to for a little bit.”.
Jamison said, “I want to build a wooden boat.”
In the mid-1990s, Jamison moved to Charleston "to learn how to build wooden boats under the tutelage of local master builder Mark Bayne. Ryan, who was majoring in adventure education at Prescott College in Arizona, joined him. Together, they had a defining experience that changed their lives."
They worked for minimum wage and learned the craft. The two brothers who had not been close in years, found that their connection and bond grew over time while pursuing a common goal of building the boat. They worked together to build their own catamaran, and rescued it several times from hurricanes and storms.
Once built, they began a successful charter business.
They built the boat the Allura in 1999 and “later built a sailing business.”
The power of mending:
This is a story that communicates how working shoulder to shoulder with someone can help them mend fences.
Socratic Method and Deductive Reasoning Lessons & Negotiating
When our oldest child was in elementary school, he was bullied and bruised.
(The elementary school teacher and principal did not care.) After there was no resolution to the bullying, my husband and I decided to purchase a home in a different city where several of my violin students happily attended the local public schools which were known for good academic programs.
My husband and I found a lovely old house on the water being offered for sale by owner. We made an appointment to see the home.
Even though I had built several new homes, rehabbed many old homes, and buildings, I asked for help from the best expert I knew. I called my Mom, a lawyer who specialized in real estate and family law. She asked me a series of questions which I wrote down so I could find out the information and let me arrive at the answers on my own. By doing this, it not only helped us purchase this home, but we’ve used this formula with many other transactions and have taught it to our children.
Momma’s questions:
1) What is the payoff for the home and how many mortgages do they have? At the time, we had to visit the courthouse to gather this information. Fortunately, this information is readily available with a few clicks of a mouse if you know where to look.
2) Make another appointment to visit the house, and create a list of repairs needed. How much will it cost to have the work done by a reputable contractor bonded, licensed, and insured?
I found out they had two loans on the house and how much they owed on the two loans. After visiting the house, a second time I wrote down the list of repairs the house would immediately need. The house needed a new roof, new electrical panel and wiring. Four columns in front of the house were rotted and held up by a prayer. The bulkhead and pier at the inlet at the river behind their house needed replacing.
Momma then asked:
3) How much do they want for the house?
Momma said, “Deduct from the amount the seller wants for their house, the repairs you will have to make on the house if you were to buy it. The amount you have left is what you should offer them for their house.
We offered that amount and the sellers countered back, asking for another $10,000.
4) Momma said, “offer them half that amount.” We offered them $5,000. They accepted our offer. We arranged for a mortgage at the bank for 15 years with a locked in fixed rate mortgage at 7 1/2 %.
My Mom used the Socratic Method of asking questions to help us clearly define and solve our problem. What did we learn from Mom’s questions? (Socratic Method., Deductive Reasoning.)
We learned a logical progression, step by step analysis. We were guided by her questions to work out the problem logically, step by step, through her questions to seek the right information to make a good decision.
Asking the right questions will help you make the right decision developing a formula to tackle nearly any problem.
You can use the Socratic Method and Deductive Reasoning with your adult children the same way.
How to help your adult child to think and solve their own problems.
1) Listen carefully to what your adult child says without interrupting or judging them. It is easy to jump into “lecture mode” and tell them what they need to do…fight that urge at all costs!
2) When they finish speaking, communicate a summary of what you think their challenges are so that you can best guide them to positive options.
3) Ask questions, the Socratic Method or use Deductive Reasoning.
Merriam-Webster definition of the Socratic Method: “the method of inquiry and instruction employed by Socrates…consisting of a series of questioning the object of which is to elicit a clear and consistent expression of something supposed to be implicitly known by all rational beings.”
In plain English: ask pointed questions and ask them what they feel they should do.
Socrates, the Greek philosopher, asked his students questions. “He believed that students already have deep knowledge within themselves, and that intensive questioning can reveal it. It's used to foster critical thinking by encouraging students to question their own unexamined beliefs.”
4) By empowering your adult child to find a solution and hold them accountable, they are given the gift of taking pride in what they helped to create.
Helping them to think clearly to focus on solving their own problems using deductive reasoning, fostering critical thinking. The Socratic Method.
5) Respect their boundaries. If they come up with solutions that you wouldn’t have come up with, it does not mean that they are wrong…most decision making muscle is built by getting creative and learning the natural consequences of wrong decisions.
6) Be patient and use supportive language. Encourage them to solve their own problems, offering your help when needed. Open communication is vital.
It is about helping your adult child navigate shark infested waters using the Socratic Method, deductive reasoning to foster critical thinking.
Madeline Frank, Ph.D., DTM is an amazon.com Best Selling Author, speaker, business owner, teacher, John Maxwell Team Member, concert artist, and parent. She helps businesses and organizations "Tune Up their Business". Her observations show you the blue prints necessary to improve and keep your business successful. Her latest book "Leadership On A Shoestring Budget" is available everywhere books are sold.
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