Keys To Building Your Best Self by Madeline Frank, Ph.D.

What if you are one step away from being your best self?

 

We all appreciate people who are experts at spotting unique gifts and talents in others…no matter how obscure they may seem. Their words are the fuel that helps our “spark” or gifts burn brightly.  

 

When I was a junior at the Juilliard School of music in New York City, my father suggested I take the Dale Carnegie Course in Effective Speaking and Human Relations. My father knew a salesman who had taken the Dale Carnegie sales course and gained amazing skills that helped him sell his products. 

 

Over the next 14 weeks, my classmates and I attended one four-hour session each week.

 

One of the first nights of class our instructor Jack Killmeyer, smiling at us, asked us to stand up, add a smile on our faces and belt out in unison, the lines of “Mary Had A Little Lamb” He led the way and we followed with smiles on our faces belting out the nursery rhyme! He modeled the behavior, to show us how to do it, and we followed. 

 

Did we look and feel ridiculous? Yes…but we all looked and felt the same way. It was a great way to cast aside our fears, and create a consistent baseline for our journey. 

 

As we read the Dale Carnegie books, How to Win Friends and Influence People and How to Stop Worrying and Start Living; we constructed, practiced, and presented our talks in front of the entire class. As we progressed through the course, we saw a transformation within ourselves and in our classmates.

 

Dale Carnegie said, “If you want to be enthusiastic, act enthusiastic.” Our instructor was enthusiastic from the minute we entered his class! It rubbed off on all of us!

 

He said, “If you smile at people, it’s going to make your life easier and it’s going to make your life more enjoyable.” And, “If you really show interest in other people, they’ll warm up to you.”

 

Part of our curriculum was to put together a series of 2-minute talks based upon personal experiences, or something we were excited about. This helped cast aside fears and revealed the passions of each attendee. 

 

Dale Carnegie said when he was just beginning his career, he asked his students to stand and talk about themselves and their problems.

 

Carnegie later said, “Without knowing what I was doing, I stumbled on the best method of conquering fear.”

 

Following our talks, our instructor stood to the side, listened intently, smiled, and afterwards led the applause, and said something positive in critiquing each of us. He said things like “tremendous level of intensity”, “you spoke with passion and energy.”  “Your gestures were animated.” “You were on fire.” (One of the highest compliments.)

 

Our instructor never used a negative word or hinted at criticism. It was all about building your self-esteem and helping you be your best self! Dale Carnegie’s 2nd principle “Give honest sincere appreciation.”

 

Through my journey as a teacher/ coach/ and leader I have continued to take courses, attend seminars, read books by the experts, listen to audio tapes, and watch videos to continue my education and improve my skills so I can help others learn, grow, and improve their skills.

 

How do I do this for my students?

 

By encouraging, inspiring, motivating, and modeling how to do the work, just as my teachers and mentors showed me, by modeling, encouraging, and inspiring me to do the work.

 

My greatest joy as a teacher is to help my students discover their abilities and work towards their goals.

 

Many years ago, I received a call from the mother of a high school student. She said, "My husband's employer recommended you as a violin teacher for my son. I would prefer a man to teach him, but will give you a try. My son is lazy and stupid."

 

I replied, "Please do not talk that way about your son in front of him or to others."

I agreed to teach this young man, provided that she would be encouraging to her son.

 

A young man with multi-colored hair, an earring, and strange looking clothes walked into his first violin lesson. His head was down, and he looked depressed.

 

We began working on scales, an etude, a solo piece, and the orchestra audition materials for the state orchestra auditions. He was a very talented young man and I told him so during our first lesson and all the lessons that followed. The honest sincere words that I spoke to him inspired and motivated him to do his best.

 

When it was time for the next lesson, a completely different young man walked eagerly up my walkway. He was neatly dressed, had his head up and wore a big smile. He took pride in his work and in himself. Each week I saw a transformation in him.

 

It was our fifth week of lessons, our final lesson before the state orchestra auditions. I told him how beautiful his playing was and what a good job he would do on the audition. Preparation makes all the difference! The honest sincere words that I spoke to him made him blossom like a flower.

 

He called me a few days after the audition and said with great pride, "I am the Concertmaster of the orchestra. There were over 40 people trying out and I won first place." He said this with a smile on his face over the phone.

 

I told him how proud of him I was and that I knew he would win because of his hard work and determination. His Mother called and said, "Even though you are a woman, you did a good job with him!"

 

I bit my tongue, but thanked her for the compliment.

 

This young man changed his attitude and worked hard because of the honest sincere praise I gave him at every lesson. He went on to college after he graduated at the top of his high school class.

 

Do you remember a teacher, coach, friend or family member who complimented you? That compliment inspired and motivated you to work harder to do your best!

Have you ever mentored or coached someone and watched him or her succeed? How did you feel when they were successful?

 

I bet you felt proud and happy for their success and you walked a little taller that day!

 

Do you remember a coach or teacher that believed in you and gave you words of praise when you needed it? 

 

Building confidence in others and in ourselves makes all the difference in the world to our success!

 

Zig Ziglar, motivational expert and mentor in his book, "See You at the Top" read the following story as a young salesman. It made a lasting impression on him. A young woman had sung since she was a young girl. She made her musical debut in a church cantata. She had a beautiful voice and a great career was predicted for her. As she grew older, she sang more concerts at local functions. Her family recognized her need for professional voice training.

 

Her family found a well-known singing teacher who pointed out everything she did wrong. As time passed, the young woman grew to admire her teacher and married him. Fewer and fewer concerts came her way as she had lost confidence in her gift of singing. Her teacher and husband had broken her confidence. When he passed away she was no longer singing at all.

 

Several years later she began to date a salesman and she would sometimes hum a tune while she was with him. He said, "Sing some more, Honey. You have the most beautiful voice in all the world".

 

The salesman was not an expert, but he knew what he liked and gave her honest sincere compliments. She gained confidence from the salesman's honest appreciative words and felt her joy of singing return to her. She was asked to sing in a few concerts. Once again with her confidence in hand, she resumed her career and married her salesman.

 

Zig Ziglar said, "She married the "good finder" and enjoyed a successful career. The salesman's praise for her was totally honest, sincere, and much needed. In fact, a sincere compliment is one of the most effective teaching and motivating methods in existence."

 

What is the next step to building your best self?

 

Coach John Wooden in his book, "Coach Wooden's Pyramid of Success Playbook" tells the following story: "When I was a young boy, I was at a gravel pit with my father and a young man. They had a team of horses and were attempting to pull a load up a steep road. The young man driving the horses was loud and abusive. In response, the animals were agitated, worked against each other and couldn't pull the load. With a gentle voice and gentler touch, my Dad calmed the horses and walked them forward with a load."

 

Coach Wooden learned two important lessons that day.

 

1) "Gentleness is a better method of getting cooperation than harshness."

 

2) "A team can accomplish much more when it works together than individuals can when they work alone."

 

Like all living creatures, the horses needed kindness and gentleness and honest sincere appreciation to move the heavy load. Remember this when you are developing others and when you are working on your own self-development!

 

Zig Ziglar shared the following story about a beggar selling pencils in New York. A businessman dropped a dollar into the cup of the beggar and rushed to board the subway train. The businessman suddenly turned back, before entering the train, and went back to the beggar selling the pencils. He took several pencils from the cup. The businessman apologized and explained that in his haste he had neglected to pick up his pencils and hoped the man wouldn't be upset with him. He said, "You are a businessman just like me. You have merchandise to sell and it's fairly priced." The businessman then went to catch the next train.

 

A neatly dressed salesman attended a social function and introduced himself to the businessman. The salesman said, "You probably don't remember me and I don't know your name, but I will never forget you. You are the man who gave me back my self-respect. I was a 'beggar' selling pencils until you came along and told me I was a businessman."

 

Zig Ziglar said, "The greatest good we can do for anyone is not to share our wealth with them, but rather to reveal their own wealth to them. It's astonishing how much talent and ability rests inside a human being." Help others to discover their abilities.

 

Find an expert mentor in your field that will model the skill you want to learn.

What can a mentor do for you?

 

A mentor will model the way for others to follow by listening, observing, connecting, adding value to them, respecting them, empowering others, and instructing them.

 

So, what is your next step to building your best self?

 

Here are a few steps to try.

 

1)   Each morning begin with a positive attitude, smile, and start your day by saying positive motivational things to yourself.

 

2)   Choose to surround yourself with people that help you stretch mentally to be your best self.

 

3)   Give an honest and sincere compliment every day to inspire, motivate, and encourage someone else each day. How does the other person look after you make this honest sincere compliment? How do you feel after making this honest sincere compliment to someone else?

 

4)   Sign up to take courses, attend seminars, read books, listen to audio tapes, watch videos to continue your education and improve your skills in your field.

 

5)   Find an expert mentor in your field to model, encourage, inspire, and help you gain new skills.

 

Be like the businessman who told the "beggar selling pencils", "You are a businessman just like me. You have merchandise to sell and it's fairly priced." Encouraging words changed the way the beggar saw himself.

 

Zig Ziglar, motivational expert and author said, "A sincere compliment is one of the most effective teaching and motivating methods in existence."

 

Mary Kay Ash, an American business woman and founder of Mary Kay Cosmetics said, “Everyone has an invisible sign hanging from their neck saying, ‘Make me feel important’. Never forget this message when working with people.” 

What next step will you take, to build your best self?

 

 

Madeline Frank, Ph.D., is an Amazon.com Best Selling Author, speaker, business owner, teacher, concert artist, and parent. She helps businesses and organizations "Tune Up their Business". Her observations show you the blue prints necessary to improve and keep your business successful. Her latest book "Leadership On A Shoestring Budget" is available everywhere books are sold. If you need a virtual speaker contact Madeline at: mfrankviola@gmail.com

WILL THE REAL LEADERS STEP UP?  by Madeline Frank, Ph.D.

Real leaders are builders. They build relationships, build bridges, and make others stronger! The most recognized and acclaimed leaders realize the importance of effective communication and how that skill set is a corner stone for "tuning In" to their team member's needs, as well as the desires of their customers.

How do great leaders and communicators tap into the greatness of others? They master the art of being interested.  Everyone loves to talk about themselves. A great leader will inquire before they inspire. This is the “buy in” necessary for credibility.  

Have you noticed when you give a person an honest sincere compliment they light up with huge smiles of happiness? They glow!

Conversely, constant criticism produces more mistakes and a poor morale. 

Gordon Tredgold’s secret to empowering others: “Everything we do as leaders is magnified. Every compliment, nod of approval, and encouraging word is amplified and has the ability to inspire and drive our teams forward.  This is a fantastic creative power that enables us to move mountains and accomplish lofty targets. On the flip side, any negative feedback, no matter how trivial, is also amplified, such that even the smallest criticism can be felt like a stake through the heart.”

He continues, “So. imagine the impact of bigger criticisms and how much damage they can do, the stress that they create, which then goes on to hinder progress. The exact opposite of what we are trying to achieve.  We need to be very careful how we wield this power, which is both creative but also dangerously destructive.  As leaders, our goal is to create!”

A friend of mine and my family always talked about “Decent human behavior.”

Real leaders develop people to be the very best version of themselves. They realize that everyone is born with certain skills and limitations. Developing the best of the strengths and minimizing the limitations is essential for creating a culture that is committed to excellence. 

Real leaders make their people stronger, build countries, build companies, build relationships and connect and communicate with others well!

Real leaders like President Ronald Regan, Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, Prime Minister Winston Churchill, Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King were all able to paint a picture of what their audience was capable of. Whether they were marching in Selma, tearing down the Berlin Wall, or battling communism. 

Great leaders like Lee Kwan Yew transformed Singapore from a tiny third world country into a first world economy by investing in education and empowering people.  Roberto Goizueta led and transformed a floundering Coca Cola to world-wide market dominance.  Alan Mulally led Boeing and Ford to success when all the “experts” said it couldn’t be done.  Douglas Conant transformed Campbell’s Soup Company from near bankruptcy to the thriving business we all know today. 

Great leaders also EXPECT adversity. It is not if  you get knocked down…but when. Challenges and setbacks are woven into the fabric of a strong culture. How they choose to get back on track (or select a new track) is a crucial step in charting the course of your organization’s destiny. 

First Lady Lou Henry Hoover, helped begin the Girl Scouts, organized a women’s division in the National Amateur Athletic Federation (physical fitness for girls and women), WW1 when America entered the war she mobilized American women to help with food conservation. She began making Nationwide radio broadcasts to help inspire the women of that era so they could do more and be more. 

What can you do to grow your influence as a leader?

1)  Focus on serving others. Show respect, inspire, motivate, and encourage others to be the best version of themselves. Give others feedback, not unnecessary criticism, to foster a culture of warmth and happiness within your organization. Remember, Real leaders develop people.

2)   Ask questions about your team members and their families…and actually listen to the answers. Ask for your team members’ opinions and listen to their responses. Remind them that they are important to the company and are appreciated for their work.

3)   Share your knowledge and resources openly. Don’t hesitate to give your team members opportunities to learn and grow.

Dr. Albert Schweitzer said, “At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.”

Real leaders share their gratitude with others! Real leaders are builders. They build relationships. They build bridges! They make others stronger! These leaders, these builders are the best communicators and build strong relationships and develop leaders.

Madeline Frank, Ph.D., is an Amazon.com Best Selling Author, speaker, business owner, teacher, concert artist, and parent. She helps businesses and organizations “Tune Up their Business”. Her observations show you the blue prints necessary to improve and keep your business successful. Her latest book “Leadership On A Shoestring Budget” is available everywhere books are sold. If you need a speaker or virtual speaker contact Madeline at: mfrankviola@gmail.com

CLEANLINESS IS NEXT TO… by Madeline Frank, Ph.D.

RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU HAVE HEARD the EXPRESSION “CLEANLINESS IS NEXT to Godliness”?

In the bible it talks about washing hands and feet and about cleanliness, to keep from getting sick from different diseases! It is paramount to your health and safety! Cleanliness makes all the difference in the world! It saves lives!

 With Covid, have conditions improved or not?

Get ready, you and I, are going on an adventure to hear top leaders /CEOs speak about their expertise at a two day Conference in your favorite City in America !

Pack your suit cases, bring your business casual clothes, and a jacket or sweater as the Conference Hall has a really cold AC unit in it! We are staying in a fancy hotel! 

Our first stop is going to the airport and getting checked in. We arrive 2 hours early as we have to go to check in and go through inspection. The line moves in an orderly manner, not 6 feet apart. Many are not wearing their masks, we are wearing our masks.

You and I stand in line for Delta Air Lines. We show our tickets and our drivers licenses to a clean well-dressed smiling Delta associate. They are nice and helpful! Their counters are clean. Looks like they used their Lysol!

Then you and I travel to the inspection gate, take off our shoes, put our computers, and other things in the trays to go through x-ray. I put through my fiddle, and computer and purse, and one of the inspectors as he’s having me hold up my arms over my head to have me stand in the machine says “he used to play the trombone!”

I ask “do you still play”? He says, “I still have my horn and my children play in the school band, I’m thinking about playing again. 

I say there are several amateur groups you might enjoy warming up your instrument! He smiles and says maybe!

We put on our shoes, grab our things, and head over to the Delta gate to wait for our airplane!

It’s finally our turn to board the plane. We are checked in with a smile and go to our seats put our bags and fiddle in the overhead department and sit down. 

Half the airplane is wearing masks. We wear our masks. There is a new outbreak of Covid on the local news. The plane is full. No 6 foot apart here! 

You and I notice this Delta plane is nice and clean. The fold down trays too! They know what to do with their Lysol spray!

 After an hour an half of travel our steward and stewardess bring sealed packages of peanuts, cookies, and hot and cold drinks.

We arrive 2 hours later safely and gather our things from the overhead bin, in my case my fiddle and purse and walk off the airplane with a big smile on our faces. We go to grab our luggage and find a taxi to go to the fancy hotel.

As we are traveling to the hotel, I ask you if “you remembered to bring your Lysol spray or Lysol wipes with you?” You say you forgot to bring them! 

You ask me if I remembered them?

“I hang my head down and say I forgot them too!” 

We arrived at the hotel. The hotel clerk, who is dressed neatly in a pressed suit hands us our keys after we show him our reservations and our drivers licenses. His counter is clean, he smiles and says you and I are on the ninth floor. We say we are here for the conference and he points down the hall.

We step into the elevator and notice there is “Not a speck of dust in it”!

We take the elevator to the 9^th floor.

You and I decide to check out both rooms for cleanliness!

Our first stop was to check the first bathroom. On the right wall by the mirror there is a sign that says,

 “This hotel room is cleaned entirely by Lysol Disinfectant Spray. For your protection!”

Imagine our surprise at looking at the dirty counters and floors being filthy!  

You and I instantly begin taking tissues out of the Kleenex box, putting soap and water on them and started cleaning!

The house keeping department must have thought putting the sign up would magically -like Waving a Wand -make the dirt go away! 

“They forgot about the elbow grease!” 

It’s “brilliant” instead of cleaning the room they put a sign up saying these rooms were cleaned by Lysol. So much for “Cleanliness is next to G-dliness “ here!

Next, You and I look at the kitchen area with the dirty counters, microwave and refrigerator. You and I look at each other and go back to the bathroom for tissues water and soap to scrub the area. 

We then notice a small sign on the wall in the kitchen area. 

“If you would like your room cleaned call housekeeping at anytime during your stay by using the phone in the room. We look forward to serving you!”

 We look at each other and laugh!

We go running over to the phone. You reach for it first and notice it is filthy!

I say, hold on and I will grab the tissues, soap, and water to clean it!

I rush once again to get tissues, water and soap to clean it!

After cleaning the phone, I take out my small bottle of hand sanitizer pour some on my hands, and offer you the hand sanitizer too!

We start to laugh !

At this point -You and I are afraid to say anything as it could always get worse!!!

This place reminds me of MUTINY ON the Bounty!

I then shared my childhood with you: As a child of 3 or 4 years of age , I remember cleaning up dishes and other areas of our home. I was the second of 4 children. Our Father, a medical doctor, a surgeon believed that the kitchen and bathrooms had to be absolutely clean!  

For example, when you wash dishes, silverware, pots and pans with a sponge, soap, and hot water, all the dirt had to come off! After cleaning everything, you put the utensils, plates, cups, pots and pans in the dishwasher to be sterilized. 

From my Father I learned cleanliness, discipline, and accountability!

What did your Father or Mother teach you?

Side Note:

Let’s face it! When you are on a hospital operating table don’t you want it to be absolutely clean?

Don’t you want all the surgical instruments to be sterilized?

Don’t you want all the conditions to be right for success?

How about a dirty hotel room?

Shouldn’t the hotel staff be held accountable?

It’s a mad, mad world!

We have Covid and people still will not face up, step up, and do their job!

It’s so frightening, it’s funny!

Next, we check out the Bedroom area. 

We pulled back the blanket and notice the rough burlap sheets in this fancy hotel room!

The bedding reminded me of another rough set of burlap sheets. 

My husband and I discovered them for the first time in our hotel room at the City hotel in Chur’s, Switzerland. Our orchestra members were all staying at this budget hotel. I was performing with this Chamber Orchestra in 4 European countries, (Germany, Austria, Switzerland, Belgium for 5 weeks! My husband came with me as he had never been out of the U.S. before. We lived on my salary! This was also a time of drinking sealed bottled water for our health and safety!

That night we remained in our clothes for our protection!

Do you remember any experiences like this in your travels?

We check your room and it has the same signs in the bathroom and the kitchen area with the dirty counters and floors ,the dirty phone, and burlap sheets.

It’s like a Mirror image of my room!

It can always be worse!

If you call them ,they may bring a bucket of dirt and put it on the floor in the living room area!

Lysol does help clean the dirt and filth if…. “You use it with “Elbow Grease!”

The next morning at 6:30am, you and I meet in the hotel restaurant to go to breakfast with our masks in place just to enter and get our food. We go immediately to the omelet station where a Chef in a clean white hat and white uniform has several pans out and he is making omelets. 

You ask him does he enjoy cooking and how long has he worked here? He says, with a smile, “I really enjoy cooking and I have worked here for 6 months!” He asks us, “Where are you from?”

(Hot food is the safest thing to eat!!!!)

He cooked up our hot omelets and they looked delicious!

Then we walked over to the wooden tables. You and I notice the dirty, sticky, greasy wooden tables with left over food on them.

Here we go again!

I imagine putting on my pink cleaning gloves to clean this mess up!!!!

We waved to a waiter standing in the corner and motion for him to come over! He refused to come over.

It was as if he was a potted plant and he was holding an invisible sign that said, “Eat the Hot Food for your safety”!

We get several clean paper napkins to put down on the table. We also brought over silverware wrapped up and brought over hot tea, hot coffee and our hot omelets. 

After eating our breakfast we went to the conference ballroom where they had many large round tables that held 10 people per table. Each table had a clean black table cloth on the table with “3 to 5” sets of work books and pens. This allowed plenty of space between each person at the table.

The speakers were exceptional and you and I took many notes and learned many new ways to help our companies thrive during these difficult times.

A Business Trip of Contrasts:

Our Delta airplane was spotless. The cab was really nicely cleaned. Our cab driver took good care of his cab! The hotel was filthy. For the Magic wand to work, “Elbow Grease is Necessary”. Remember you can’t control everything! 

On a side note, my Father told me when he was 12 years old he was working in the Men’s shoe department in his Grandmother’s store and he had to help his customers try on shoes. He said, “The people had not washed!”

Maybe it was hard to find soap and water in those days!

When I was growing up we didn’t have any money but we sure had a lot of soap and water to wash with!

Anyway, my Father said he decided there and then that he had to go to college to become an engineer or a medical doctor. He did not want to spend his life waiting on people who never washed or bathed!

What lessons did your Father or Mother teach you?

“Cleanliness is next to Godliness” It is as true today as in ancient times of the Bible! 

What three things can you do to protect your family when traveling?

1)Have a 2ounce bottle of hand sanitizer with you.

2) In your car leave a container of hand sanitizer, a can of Lysol spray or a package of Lysol wipes, band aids, and antiseptic for emergencies.

3) In your suit case bring bar to one or two bars of soap, Lysol wipes, hand sanitizer , and a roll of toilet paper. It never hurts to be prepared.

Cleanliness is Next to Godliness!  

Madeline Frank, Ph.D., is an Amazon.com Best Selling Author, speaker, business owner, teacher, concert artist, and parent. She helps businesses and organizations "Tune Up their Business". Her observations show you the blue prints necessary to improve and keep your business successful. Her latest book "Leadership On A Shoestring Budget" is available everywhere books are sold. If you need a speaker or virtual speaker contact Madeline at: mfrankviola@gmail.com

 

“Loose Lips Sink Ships” Is Still True Today by Madeline Frank, Ph.D.

During WWII, a poster had a picture of an American ship being torpedoed by a German U-boat!

Underneath the picture were the words “Loose Lips Sink Ships”.

Several other posters proclaimed “Careless Talk: Somebody Blabbed Button Your lips: A careless word…A needless sinking.”

 

A young Charles Apgar was constantly tinkering with and inventing new gadgets. One was a cone-shaped megaphone. The other was a recording device that allowed morse code to be recorded on wax cylinders. 

 

Here’s the story:

Suppose someone you knew was talking to a friend about American ship movements and another person walked by and heard them. That person, who was eavesdropping, was really a spy and sent what he or she heard through a Radio Station to the German High Command during WWII.

An American ship was sunk by a U-boat instantly…...

 

Unless, the Wireless Wizard intervened:

Charles Apgar called the “Wireless Wizard” in 1915 developed, owned and operated in his basement “one of the most powerful radio receiving sets in the country.” In 1915 he translated and recorded coded messages sent from the German radio station in Sayville, Long Island “relaying vital sailing dates of U.S. Convoys to the German high command” and each morning he sent the messages to the American Secret Service.

 

 “Thanks to his work U-boats stopped sinking Allied ships, and the German wireless operator was sent to Federal Prison at Atlanta ” ( Apel, 2003, pp.11-13). At the age of 75, during WWII Charles sent the “call to arms” to 55,000 radio operators in the U.S. describing the “German Spies fifth column activities a thousand times more perilous than in 1915 ” 

 

Charles Apgar (June 28, 1865-August 17, 1950) was a scientist who built a telescope, wrote scientific papers on Astronomy, was a lifelong pianist, inventor of “ampliphone circuit which amplified even the smallest noises so as to make them easier to record. He also invented the paper cone loudspeaker” used in radios today (Apgar, C ,Wikipedia, 2008, p.1).Charles Apgar was the father of Virginia Apgar, M.D. To read more on Charles Apgar, hero of WW1 & WW11. 

 

https://www.madelinefrankviola.com/madelines-monthly-article-musical-tips-august-2008/

 

How gossip can kill relationships!

Many years ago, I went to visit my grandfather’s Real Estate office when I was a child of 7 or 8. Another person in Grandfather’s office came in and said “nasty things about someone my grandfather knew."

 

Grandfather said to him, “He speaks well of you! If you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all!"

 

Grandfather’s words of wisdom have lasted a lifetime. Every newspaper, television news show, radio show, destroys people’s lives every day! Gossip kills, and destroys lives! “Loose lips do Destroy……..”

 

Close your lips! “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all!” 

Gossip is the reason so many relationships and reputations are destroyed! Gossip kills relationships! It can start wars! 

 

On the other side of the coin, how can you build strong relationships!

 

Start by giving an honest simple sincere compliment within a few seconds of meeting someone! For example, what a beautiful blouse you are wearing or that outfit is stunning on you! What a wonderful mustache or what a wonderful hat you are wearing. Are you from Texas? People will smile at you! Try it!

Honest sincere compliments begin new relationships!

 Another example how gossip destroys jobs and relationships:

 

Many years ago, at a College I was teaching at, the head of the College was lied about by someone wanting his job. Like mud sticking to your shoes, dirt sticks too!

No matter how many teachers wrote what an honorable person he was, the bad apple was believed! Gossip kills relationships and destroys reputations. Don’t Gossip!

Charlie Tremendous Jones and Daniel R. Ledwith said, “Look for good instead of problems. One of the cardinal laws of personal relationships is this: people thrive under praise and deteriorate under criticism.”

“It is biblical. “It is foolish to belittle a neighbor; a person with good sense remains silent”

“Some people make cutting remarks, but words of the wise bring healing.”

“Gentle words bring life and health; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.”

“Those who love to talk will experience the consequences, for the tongue can kill or nourish life.”

Jones and Ledwith continue, “If we want to be exceptional in our relationships, we have to master this basic principle: People thrive under praise and deteriorate under criticism. Look for the good in others and praise it. Praise it often. Praise it sincerely. Nothing motivates a person more to respond to you than honest praise. Nothing brings up our defensiveness faster than criticism.” (Jones and Ledwith, “Forgiveness Is Tremendous”. p.125)

 

Instead be a good finder, a person who lifts others up, building honest reputations!

Don’t be a mud slinger!

 

 

 

Madeline Frank, Ph.D., is an Amazon.com Best Selling Author, speaker, business owner, teacher, concert artist, and parent. She helps businesses and organizations "Tune Up their Business". Her observations show you the blue prints necessary to improve and keep your business successful. Her latest book "Leadership On A Shoestring Budget" is available everywhere books are sold. If you need a virtual speaker contact Madeline at: mfrankviola@gmail.com

 

 

Trail Blazers and Time Keepers by Madeline Frank, Ph.D.

What do Horseback, Railroads, Steam Boats, Telegraphs and Wagon Trains have in common?

How it all began.

The new technological revolution of trains, steamboats, telegraphs, canals, and stagecoaches created more interconnected communities and economies. The demand grew for a safer and secure way to send payments, and a need for reliable places to obtain money, especially while traveling. 

In the early 1940s, Henry Wells and William Fargo were both involved in the shipping business.

Henry Wells:

 Henry Wells grew up working on the family farm. He was the third of four children. At 16, he was apprenticed to a tanner and shoemaker. He began working as a freight agent in 1836 on the Erie Canal. Then he worked for Harnden Express Company, a messenger service that traveled by railway from Boston to New York. They safely and responsibly transported money and other valuable items by railway. First the messengers carried the valuable items by carpetbags and then trunks. Henry Wells suggested to William F. Hamden “that service could be expanded west of Buffalo, New York.” Hamden encouraged Wells to begin a business of his own.  Henry Wells in 1841, formed Wells & Company, with partner Crawford Livingston. They competed in the express business with the United States Post Office by “carrying mail at less than the government rate.^”

Side note:

 Henry Wells growing up, faced his biggest challenge “coping with a severe stutter.” He worked with a speech therapist in Rochester, New York in 1824. “Taking what he learned from the therapist and integrating his own methods, Wells traveled to several cities to help others with speech impediments. Despite his best efforts, his stutter remained pronounced. Wells later joked, “I cured everybody but myself.” 

“His difficulty speaking never kept him from making friends, though, and his energy, outgoingness, and friendships formed the foundation of many of his business endeavors.” (Article: “The men who founded Wells Fargo”.)

William Fargo: 

William Fargo, the oldest of 12 children, went to work at 13 years of age delivering mail by horseback for “over a 30-mile area”. Later working “in the grocery business, as a baker, and in a village inn.”  Fargo in 1841 “became the first freight agent at Auburn for the Auburn & Syracuse Railroad, and his excellent performance led Henry Wells to employ him as an express messenger the next year.” (Wikipedia William Fargo)

American Express Company: 

By 1850, Henry Wells (Wells & Co.), William G. Fargo (Livingston, Fargo & Co.), and John Warren Butterfield (Wells, Butterfield & Co.) successor of Butterfield, Wasson, & Company began American Express Company with $150,000. Today, May 17, 2022, that $150,000 in 1850 would be equal to $5,559,788.46.

They initially began their company in New York City by the Hudson River and Long Island Sound. They shipped their goods by larger ships and barges and “made agreements to use” the railway in New York and in the Midwest.  (Wikipedia American Express)

Henry Wells was American Expresses first president and William Fargo its vice present. When Henry Wells and William Fargo saw a need they filled it!

How American Express Travelers Cheques (originally spelled) were invented in 1891:

When J.C. Fargo, President of American Express, the brother of deceased William Fargo founder of American Express, was visiting Europe between 1880 and 1890 with “letters of credit”. He “found it difficult to obtain cash anywhere except in major cities.” He returned frustrated and infuriated.

“Fargo went to  Marcellus Flemming Berry and asked him to create a better solution than the “letter of credit”. In 1891, Berry launched the American Express Traveler’s Cheque “in denominations of $10, $20, $50, and $100.” American Express established itself as an international company by inventing the “Traveler’s Cheques”.  (Wikipedia American Express)

Wells Fargo:

 In 1852, Henry Wells and William Fargo began a new venture during the gold rush. They opened Wells Fargo in “their first West Coast office in San Francisco” making it “into a national company” shortly after founding it. Overnight they followed their “customers into the mining camps and settlements” providing “banking services, transporting gold, mail and other goods, and passengers securely.”

Innovations: 

 Today, June 8, 2022, we use the internet to immediately send a message and encrypt the message if it is sensitive information. The person receiving this message will have to get the code to get in.

 First Telegraph: 

In the 1850s, “Americans used another network of electrical wires to communicate — the telegraph. It operated by transmitting electrical signals along a wire using Morse code, a messaging method created by Samuel F. B. Morse of using recognizable patterns to represent alphabetical letters. Instead of sending a physical letter to another town by horse or train, a message sent by telegraph could travel instantaneously.”

In 1853 the first telegraph wires were connected between several cities in California.  “Wells Fargo reportedly sent one of the first messages along the newly strung wires. The company’s agent in Marysville reported to the Sacramento office: Marysville, Oct. 18, 8 o’clock, A.M. I sent a messenger down to-day with treasure. Look out for him. W. B. Roberts.”

The next day managers at Wells Fargo saw their telegraph message published in the local Sacramento newspaper. They learned the hard way that the telegraph was a “quick but unsecured communication.” Wells Fargo then developed an “encryption using secret codes” to send gibberish scrambled messages. They decoded the messages with a “cipher book” which was changed frequently and kept under “lock and key.”

Wells Fargo by telegraph was now able to “instantaneous communication between cities.” The telegraph could send secure messages, encrypted, to report fires, robberies shipments of money, and deliveries. It was a new tool for its customers to send money and valuables faster and safer.

In the United States Henry Wells “built the earliest commercial telegraph lines.” He was working for a cheaper mail delivery service. As an advocate for the education of women “he founded Wells College for Women in Aurora, New York in 1868.”  

By1858, their Stage Coaches were bright red with gold lettering and gold wheels. When they rolled into town they brought excitement to the day, arriving with visitors, mail, news, money, and other goods. “Wells Fargo Wagon song” from the movie, “The Music Man” (1962). According to the Wells Fargo Wagon song they brought food, bath tubs, chairs, dishes, double boiler, and other items. 

From 1870 to 1872, William G. Fargo, “a skilled manager”, served as President of Wells, Fargo & Company and from 1868 to 1881 as President of American Express Company. 

21^st Century Wells Fargo innovations: 

 Henry Wells and William G. Fargo over 166 years ago joined “together to provide banking and express services to western pioneers.”  Their red Wells Fargo stagecoach has endured “as a symbol of the opportunity, innovation, and perseverance”.   Wells Fargo in the 21^st century was “the first bank to offer secure account access to internet banking customers in 1995”, and allowed “mobile and online customers to manage their financial lives from a single location on their phones, tablets, or computers.”  (Wells Fargo Wagon History)

When Henry Wells and William Fargo saw a need they filled it!

Richard Sears:

 In 1886, Richard Sears, a railroad station agent in Minneapolis, Minnesota, began selling gold watches at $14 apiece. A year later he opened up a shop with Alvah Roebuck, a watchmaker in Chicago. In 1895, Julius Rosenwald, investor, joined the company.

They began a modest mail order business, selling watches and then started selling clothing, toys, household goods, and appliances. The rise of Sears embodied the rise of American consumerism in the 20th century.  They recognized, early on, the growing opportunities that came with mass mail and electricity moving Westward. Their mail order catalogs became a staple in the mailbox of every farm and home across the country. 

Sears also capitalized on the opportunity from the US Government with the Rural Free Delivery Act of 1896; essentially having the government underwrite the cost of mail and shipping delivery to their customers.  They were incredibly lean and flexible. When the Great Depression arrived following the crash of 1929, Sears acknowledged the benefits of being thrifty. By the end of the Depression, the number of retail stores doubled. 

Sears’ early catalogs advertised themselves as the “Cheapest Supply House on Earth” or “the Book of Bargains.” They sold medical and veterinary supplies, musical instruments, firearms, bicycles, sewing machines, baby buggies, clothing, household goods and other products.

Richard Sears’ motto was “We Can’t Afford to Lose a Customer.” He made sure that Sears stayed competitive in terms of price and value.

What was the key to Sears early growth?

 “It’s remarkable customer service. Sears’ simple, warm and customer-service-centered approach helped it stand out among mail-order competitors.”

Innovations:

 In 1908 Sears catalog offered 447 different house design kits which included all the materials. The houses included “the grand “Magnolia” ($5,140 to $5,972) to the popular “Winona” ($744 to $1,998).”  Sears house kits were advertised with the promise that “We will furnish all the material to build this [house design]. All the parts arrived (usually by train) precut and ready to assemble. From 1908 to 1940, Sears sold between 70,000 to 75,000 homes.” (History When the Sears Catalog Sold Everything from Houses to Hubcaps)

Sears continued its expansion by opening stores. As more people began to own automobiles, “the mail-order boom in the United States slowed down.” Sears stayed successful by “expanding consumer credit with its “No Money Down” policy.”

Sears in the 1920s launched Kenmore appliances brand and Craftsman tools. In 1931 they launched Allstate auto insurance.   Through the Great Depression “Sears’ catalog, retail and factory profits totaled more than $12 million”, (in 2018 over $201 million). That year, 1931, was “the first-year retail sales outstripped catalog sales”.

Sears built its business on staples like socks, underwear, towels and bedding, which helped keep sales going even during the Depression.

 

Sears retail stores had almost doubled by the late 1930s. By 1945 Sears “topped the $1 billion mark in sales for the first time.” At shopping malls Sears stores were the anchor. Before the holidays began, families circled items in the “Wish Book”. Sears remained strong with their Craftsman, Kenmore brands, and Allstate Insurance through the Great Depression.

Sears began to decline in the 1990s challenged by stores such as, Target, Walmart, and Kmart. Also increased “dominance of e-commerce” took a toll on Sears. In 2018, retail giant Sears filed for bankruptcy after 132 years in business. 

What happened to Sears?

Sears had become too big with too many stores and employees and its competition was thriftier and leaner in selling less products with less overhead for less money. They announced they “would close 142 unprofitable stores in the face of mounting competition from big-box stores and, of course, Amazon.com.” (History When the Sears Catalog Sold Everything from Houses to Hubcaps)

Jeff Bezos:

 In 1986, Bezos graduated from Princeton University with a degree in electrical engineering and computer science. His first job was working for Fitel, “a finch telecommunications start up , where he … built  a network for international trade.” Then he “was promoted to head of development and director of customer service.”  From 1988 to 1990 Bezos “transitioned into the banking industry when he became a product manager at Bankers Trust.” In 1990, “he joined D. E. Shaw & Company, a newly founded hedge fund with a strong emphasis on mathematical modeling.”   He continued working at D. E. Shaw through 1994 when he became “D. E. Shaw’s fourth senior vice-president at age 30.”  In 1995, Jeff Bezos’s began Amazon as a business on line as a bookseller shipping “books to all U.S. 50 states and 45 countries.” 

The day Amazon went live online “billed itself as Earth’s Biggest Book Store”. His motto “get big fast.” At the beginning his advertising was “Word of Mouth”. As orders came in he would drive orders to the post office. (Wikipedia Jeff Bezos)  

 

Amazon’s milestones: 

Amazon by the end of 1996 was worth $15.7 million. Jeff Bezos in 1997 “took the company public with an initial public offering that raised $54 million.” 

Amazon’s continued innovation: 

In 1998, Amazon began selling music CDs, and by 1999 it added products including “toys, electronics and tools.”  The company began in 2000, to introduce “a service allowing individual” sellers “and other outside merchants to sell their products alongside Amazon’s own items.”  2010 Amazon Studios began making movies and TV series. In 2015, they earned the Golden Globe. (Transparent). Later for “Manchester by the Sea”, “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel” (Comedy Series).  By 2011, they were “selling more e-books than print books.” Amazon acquired several companies to its business Zappos and Whole Foods. By 2015, Amazon became “the world’s most valuable retailer” exceeding Walmart. Bezos on July 5, 2021 “stepped down as CEO of Amazon to focus on his aerospace company Blue Origin.” Bezos transitioned “to executive chairman of Amazon’s board.” (History Amazon opened for Business)

Today, May 17, 2022, Amazon sells books, food, vitamins, clothes, house hold items, furniture, computers, musical instruments, music, CDs, videos, DVDs, toys, and more. When Jeff Bezos saw a need he filled it! 

In a few minutes on the internet you can look up what you need and have it delivered to your door by the dark blue Amazon van with the Amazon Prime log on the sides. It is always an exciting moment when a package arrives at our house from Amazon. 

American Express, Wells Fargo Bank, and Amazon are getting stronger every day and continue to innovate, evolve, and change to help others! It’s all about excellent customer service that keeps on giving, shedding any excess that is not needed, and staying lean and flexible!

How is the innovation and customer service at your business?

Madeline Frank, Ph.D., is an Amazon.com Best Selling Author, speaker, business owner, teacher, concert artist, and parent. She helps businesses and organizations “Tune Up their Business”. Her observations show you the blue prints necessary to improve and keep your business successful. Her latest book “Leadership On A Shoestring Budget” is available everywhere books are sold. If you need a speaker or virtual speaker contact Madeline at: mfrankviola@gmail.com