"Think carefully Before You Open Your Mouth" by Madeline Frank, Ph.D., DTM

Have you ever spoken to someone without thinking? Did you wish you could take the words back? That's why you need to think carefully before you open your mouth!

Under cover of darkness, 10-year-old Louis and his family climbed aboard a ship in the Baltic Sea, heading to America. 

They were fleeing pogroms, rape, looting, and murder, instituted under the regime of Russian Czar Nicholas the II in the early 20th century. 

Louis and his family fled with just the clothes on their backs. They came to America, the land of opportunity where you have the right to religious freedom to worship as you choose. 

Louis did not finish elementary school in America. He immediately had to go to work to help support his family. He worked hard, learned to speak perfect English, became well read, and wrote to relatives all over the world to see how they were doing every month.

I know so much about this young man, Louis Charles Frank, because he was my Grandfather. He used to say to his grandchildren in his deep voice; “I came from Russia in a covered wagon.” Of course Grandfather was teasing us as he came to America by ship. Grandfather enjoyed taking us to the park to feed the ducks and geese and always had a ready supply of bread.

One day I was visiting my Grandfather at his real-estate office when an associate came in and said something negative about someone else in Grandfather’s presence.

My Grandfather replied, “He speaks well of you!”

The man paused and said, "You are right, Louis. I need to think about what I'm going to say before I open my mouth."

My grandfather built a solid and successful business upon the belief that if you spoke well of others, they would speak well of you.

I always enjoyed visiting with my Grandfather; he always saw the good in others. He did not engage in gossip, and did not tolerate it! He believed in making it easier for people to see the positive and good in others.

“As a child I listened to Grandfather and did not engage in gossip and did not tolerate it either.”

 Grandfather lived by 3 rules:

1) Be judicious about what you say. Use good judgment when you talk to others. 

2) Say something nice.

3) Give everyone a sincere compliment every day. 

Grandfather taught me to “Think carefully before I opened my mouth.”

  

 Fred Smith, Sr., leadership guru, the mentor of   Zig Ziglar and Dr. John Maxwell shares the following story in his article, “Breakfast with Fred”:

Fred said, “Years ago I was asked to be interim music director for a small church in suburban Nashville.” After agreeing “the pastor asked me to sign a covenant stating I would not criticize anyone while I was there. I agreed to do it almost as an experiment, for it was so contrary to my general disposition.  After a few months I realized I never felt more community than I did there.  As I look back, I realize it was the fact of refusing to say anything negative about anyone that made the difference.  I could face any person there with complete freedom because I had never said a hurtful word about anyone.”

Fred Smith, Sr. learned to “Think carefully before he opened his mouth.”

Mark Twain said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” 

At 16, I played in my first master class on the violin. A master class is when a musical artist, an expert, comes in and listens to exceptional students play and makes suggestions to improve the musician’s performance. The master class was for two hours.

 I was scared out of my wits. Mr. G, the expert who gave the class, demoralized ever person that played for him, by saying nasty things to each performer taking away their dreams and hopes for the future. It took me many months to get over Mr. G.

 Many years latter I was asked

to give master classes in China, Australia, New Zealand and throughout the U.S. I first have the talented students play the piece through , lead the audience in applause, then give the student playing an honest sincere compliment, and then focus on one thing that they can immediately do to make the piece better!

Students improved on the spot! After each master class, while I was cleaning and putting away my instrument, a line formed of students who had not performed in the master class wanting help with their piece. I spent a few minutes with each student giving suggestions. 

Remember Mary Poppins “A spoon fool of sugar makes the medicine go down.” It really does! Mary Poppins understood about “thinking carefully before she opened her mouth .”

  Dr. Maxwell Maltz“, plastic surgeon, said, “it requires a minimum of about 21 days for an old mental image to dissolve and a new one to jell.”  He wrote in 1960 “Psycho Cybernetics” on behavioral change and sold over 30 million books and audio books.

So how can you learn to “think carefully before you open your mouth”? Take your seven Day Challenge”!

1) “Every day pay an honest compliment to each of three different persons. Keep a record of those to whom you pay your three complements. And observe what they say in response to your compliment.” Dr. George W. Crane

2) “Within the first 30 seconds of a conversation, say something encouraging to the other person.” Dr. John C. Maxwell

3) Every evening think up 3 “honest compliments”.

By following these three rules the world around you will change for the better in 7 Days! And you will learn to "think carefully before you open your mouth"!

Madeline Frank, Ph.D., DTM is an Amazon.com Best Selling Author, John Maxwell Team Member, Certified World Class Speaking Coach, sought after speaker, business owner, teacher, researcher, and concert artist. She helps businesses and organizations "Tune Up their Businesses". Her innovative observations show you the blue prints necessary to improve and keep your business successful. She writes a monthly newsletter "Madeline's Monthly article & Musical Tips Blog" and a monthly radio show "Madeline's One Minute Musical Radio Show". Her book "Leadership On A Shoestring Budget" is available on Amazon or Kindle. Contact Madeline Frank for your next speaking engagement at mfrankviola@gmail.com

Don't Assume, Get The Facts by Madeline Frank, Ph.D., DTM

 Do you assume things that are not true? What are the three questions you should ask yourself instead of assuming anything?
 

When I was fifteen, my family and I went to Cape Hatteras, North Carolina for a summer weekend. We stayed at the General Billy Mitchell Hotel with its wrap around porch with chairs in front of each motel room to sit and enjoy the beautiful view of the ocean.

One day after swimming, I decided to practice my violin for a while and my Mom went to sit on the porch to read and enjoy the breeze. It was a beautiful sunny day with temperatures around 82 degrees.

As I was practicing our neighbors walked by my Mom and commented on the beautiful music coming from our hotel room. They said to my Mom, "The music coming from your hotel room is just lovely!"

"Mom smiled at them and said "thank you!"

A few hours latter the same neighbors walked by with a pained expression on their faces and said to my Mom, "What happened to the beautiful music?"

Mom started laughing and said to the neighbors, "I have two daughters, a fifteen year old who is a gifted violinist who was practicing two hours ago and a 5 year old who you just heard, who started learning the violin two weeks ago!"

Have you ever jumped to the wrong conclusion about someone else? Have you ever assumed something about someone that was not true?

Don't think emotionally. Don't jump to conclusions. Always look deeper and get all the facts before you make a decision or say anything that can harm someone else or yourself.

A businesswoman was at a large airport waiting for her flight when she purchased a package of cookies at the store. She went to sit in the lounge with her cookies and her newspaper to wait for her flight to be called.

A few minutes later a well-dressed gentleman sat down beside her and she heard a crackling sound. He was taking one of her cookies and proceeded to eat the cookie. She gave him a dirty look and reached in and took a cookie for herself. The gentleman continued taking the cookies until there was only one left. He broke the last cookie in half, eat it, and moved the other half in her direction. He smiled getting up and leaving as his flight had been called. The businesswomen eat the other half of the cookie with a scowl on her face!

A few minutes later, her flight was called and she reached into her purse for her ticket and found her bag of unopened cookies. She was shocked and upset with herself!

Did you assume that the cookies were the businesswoman's? I thought so too!

Have you ever made a wrong assumption that was not true about another person? Have you ever jumped to the wrong conclusion?

Don't think emotionally. Never assume anything. Instead look deeper and get all the facts before you making a decision.

As a young bride in NYC, I opened our apartment closet to put away a few items and found three, 6-foot duffle bags taking up all the closet space.

The night before, I had watched a very scary movie so as I got closer to the bags I was looking closely at them.

I noticed three things.

1) Nothing moved in the bags.

2) There was no strong odor coming from the bags.

3) There were no bugs or blood dripping down from the bags.

So far so good!

"From these facts I decided there was not a dead body in our closet"!

I quickly called my new husband, "so as not to invade his property."

I asked him, "What are in the three, 6 ft. duffel bags in our closet?

My husband said, "They are laundry bags. Instead of washing the clothes, to save time, I bought new ones!"

I replied, "Oh".

On my next day off from work, I began tackling his laundry bags!

As you first listened to the story of the "3 Six Foot Duffle Bags in the Closet", were you intrigued wanting to know more? Did you automatically make any assumptions?

What are the three questions you should ask yourself instead of assuming anything?

1) Are you thinking emotionally or are you thinking rationally? Remember we are emotional creatures and that's how we think at first.

2) What facts have been presented to you?

3) Have you verified the facts so you can think logically and clearly to make a good decision?

Remember to ask yourself these three questions, so you "don't assume anything", making snap judgments that can hurt someone else!

Madeline Frank, Ph.D., DTM is an Amazon.com Best Selling Author, John Maxwell Team Member, Certified World Class Speaking Coach, sought after speaker, business owner, teacher, researcher, and concert artist. She helps businesses and organizations "Tune Up their Businesses". Her innovative observations show you the blue prints necessary to improve and keep your business successful. She writes a monthly newsletter "Madeline's Monthly article & Musical Tips Blog" and a monthly radio show "Madeline's One Minute Musical Radio Show". Her book "Leadership On A Shoestring Budget" is available on Amazon or Kindle. Contact Madeline Frank for your next speaking engagement at mfrankviola@gmail.com

Take That Next Step Toward Your Dream by Madeline Frank, Ph.D., DTM

Are you afraid to try for your dream? How about taking your first step? Be bold, be brave!

When our oldest child was 4 years old, he was learning to ride a bike. When we told him that it was time for the training wheels to come off, he burst into tears and was convinced that he would fall over and get hurt. 

But he didn't. He took off and rode for 20 feet before he lost his balance. Then he got back up again with a smile on his face. 

Zig Ziglar tells the story of a young woman who attended one of his seminars and told him about her Mother, who dressed her children in beautiful clothes that she hand made.

While the woman mentioned that she would like to do the same for her children, she was convinced that she just didn't have the raw talent that her mother was blessed with. 

Zig urged her to take the first step. "Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly until you learn to do it well.” 

A year latter she came to see Zig Ziglar and brought her 3 children dressed in the beautiful dresses she had made for them.

Remember, “to change your life” you have to take that “first step”! It will not happen until you take that “first step.” After that first step take a “second one” and continue improving your skills by having an expert to get better and better each time you work on it!

Dave Sheffield, motivational speaker and coach says, “Be willing to be terrible. Be willing to overcome that fear."

When I was preparing for a concert tour in Australia and New Zealand, I was learning a new piece on my viola by Ernst Toch, an Austrian composer. My husband came in and said, “What is that awful piece you are playing? You don’t plan to play it on tour?”

I replied, “It is a new piece by Toch that I am just learning.”

A month later, he came in and said, “What is that beautiful piece you are playing?”

I replied, “Do you remember that piece by Toch that I was just learning last month that you said was so awful?”

He said, “ Yes, but this doesn’t sound like it.”

I replied, “I was just learning it!” Arthur Rubinstein, the famous pianist called it “kitchen work.”  By working on the piece each day, I learned how to understand how to play it!”

When the famous Spanish cellist, Pablo Casals was in his eighties and nineties he was asked by reporters “why do you continue to practice your cello four and five hours a day?”

  

Pablo Casals said, “I think I’m making progress. I think I see some improvement.” He continued practicing every day to improve his cello playing. Mr. Casals lived to be 97 years old.

That first step begins the learning process. The next steps will lead you to progress, then mastery. 

What is something that you would like to try, but you are afraid of?

1) Boldly begin

   Don't over analyze the process. Just get started, and be willing to do it poorly.

2) Take your second step and learn faster by having an expert guide you through this new skill. A coach or mentor can be a valuable model for you on your path to mastering your goal. 

3) Keep working to get better and better at your new skill just like the young women who at first was terrible seamstress. She took her second and third step by practicing and improving to sew beautiful dresses for her daughters. 

       Remember “How do you get to Carnegie Hall?”

           “Practice, practice, practice.”

Madeline Frank, Ph.D., DTM is an Amazon.com Best Selling Author, John Maxwell Team Member, Certified World Class Speaking Coach, sought after speaker, business owner, teacher, researcher, and concert artist. She helps businesses and organizations "Tune Up their Businesses". Her innovative observations show you the blue prints necessary to improve and keep your business successful. She writes a monthly newsletter "Madeline's Monthly article & Musical Tips Blog" and a monthly radio show "Madeline's One Minute Musical Radio Show". Her book "Leadership On A Shoestring Budget" is available on Amazon or Kindle. Contact Madeline Frank for your next speaking engagement at mfrankviola@gmail.com