Reverend Chalfant tells the story of a couple in his church celebrating their Golden Wedding Anniversary”, 50 years of being happily married. Reverend Chalfont asked his parishioner, “What is the secret of your long happy marriage?” (“The Small Gift” retold by Marilyn K. McAuley from Morris Chalfant, The Lutheran Journal, p. 130, from "Stories for the Heart", Collection 1, compiled by Alice Gray)
His parishioner replied, “Sarah, was the only girl I ever dated. I grew up in an orphanage and worked hard for everything I had. I never had time to date until Sarah swept me off my feet. Before I knew it, she had managed to get me to ask her to marry her. After we said our vows on our wedding day, Sarah’s father took me aside and handed me a small wrapped gift.”
Sarah’s father said to me, his new son in law, “Within this gift is all you really need to know to have a happy marriage.”
The son in law said, “I nervously opened the beautifully wrapped gift. Within the box lay a large gold watch. With great care I picked it up. Upon close examination I saw etched across the face of the watch, “Say something nice to Sarah”.
He said, “I made a point of saying something nice to my beloved wife, just as the watch reminded me to each morning for 50 years. That’s the secret of my long and happy marriage.”
It’s all about focusing on the “good”, not the bad things.
If every morning you said something nice to your spouse, wouldn’t you both enjoy a happier day? Over time, you would begin to build the mindset/habit of gratitude for your spouse and it would become second nature to you.
Every morning begin your day by saying something nice to your spouse and smile as you are saying something nice! It’s all about starting your day with kindness and love!
Far too many people turn to their phones in the morning instead of looking at their spouse. Whatever world events and demands on your attention will be there later in the day. There will come a time when you or your spouse will have passed, and I promise you that the moments of sincere gratitude you invest in your spouse each morning will feed your soul a lot more than chasing a dopamine high of scrolling.
My parents and grandparents were happily married for more than 50 years. When I was growing up, I often heard my parents and grandparents discussing everything and asking each other questions. They wanted their spouse’s opinion and thoughts. They cared and loved each other.
My husband, Allan and I will have been married for 48 years in September 2026. We have been following this advice each morning by starting the day with a smile, a kiss, a hug, and saying something nice. Growth happens when one of us has something else on our minds and we need to pause and focus on what is right in front of us. Even for a moment, it creates compounding growth.
When problems arise, we listen to each other’s thoughts and discuss possible solutions together. We never go to bed mad at each other. By listening to each other vent about an issue, we can enjoy a better night of sleep.
We always find something to laugh about; something silly or something funny from a movie we have seen.
When one of us is unhappy the other encourages the other. We help each other. We care!
There will be arguments and problems. Knowing how to handle disagreements through discussion is just as important as knowing how to compliment. Quietly ask questions in a low voice. Do not yell or get angry. It is about discussing the problem and finding a solution. Let the spouse tell the story.
Marriage is tough, but so worth it. You can work through most problems and come out the other side stronger. Of course, if there is abuse, get out. Find whatever help you need to leave and support system necessary to begin again. You are too precious of a gift to be treated with abuse, cruelty, or disrespect.
Before our children married we took them to the local jewelry store with their fiancés and had them each pick out watches that they liked and had the jeweler write as close to the face of the watch “Say something nice to “bride name” or “grooms name” on each watch so they could begin their morning right! We gave them the watches right after the wedding ceremonies! One couple has been married for 14 years and the other couple for 9 years.
If you said something nice to your children, your family members, your friends and your team members at work wouldn’t you connect better and have a happier day?
Ruth Bader Ginsburg said, “When a thoughtless or unkind word is spoken, best to tune it out. Reacting in anger or annoyance will not advance one’s ability to persuade.”
She recalled, “I followed that advice assiduously, and not only at home. Fight for the things that you care about. But do it in a way that will lead others to join you. My Mother told me to be a lady. And to her that meant be your own person, be independent.”
What do you do to nourish, energize, and strengthen your marriage?
Madeline Frank, Ph.D. is an Amazon.com Best Selling Author, speaker, business owner, teacher, conductor, and concert artist. She helps businesses and organizations “Tune Up their Business”. Her observations show you the blue prints necessary to improve and keep your business successful. Her latest book “Leadership On A Shoestring Budget” is available everywhere books are sold. If you need a speaker or video speaker contact Madeline at: mfrankviola@gmail.com
No comments:
Post a Comment