Sometimes silence is golden! (Just like watching a movie at the local theater!)
When was the last time you discovered that your perception of a situation or person was not exactly as it seemed? It is easy to make a quick read of people and situations, but often times, there is great benefit to digging deeper to get a better understanding of the situation.
Instead of flapping your lips, stop talking and just listen!
I was picking vegetables at the local grocery store recently when older man with sleeves of tattoos stood beside me and started talking to me. The wrinkles on his face and the fatigue in his eyes made me think that this gentleman had been all over the world. Whether he was greeting memories or regrets, the mileage of his life’s experiences fit him like a glove.
Instead of walking away, I listened!
He shared that he was a retired Military officer with an ill wife. He just needed to talk and share what was on his mind. I just quietly listened for a few minutes. As we concluded the conversation, I could tell that he was more relaxed. We smiled and wished each other a good day. He just needed someone to listen. I nodded while listening to him!
If you want to connect with others, you have to listen to them, care about them, and be concerned about their welfare. Zig Zigler said it best; “You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help enough other people get what they want.”
Mary Kay Ash, founder of Mary Kay Cosmetics, said “Everyone has an invisible sign hanging from their neck saying, ‘Make me feel important.’ Never forget this message when working with people.” Think of a young child who insists that their parent proudly display their latest coloring masterpiece on the refrigerator. That need for recognition never goes away.
Mike Robbins, speaker and author says, “By listening to others, you show them respect. You let them know that you care about what they’re saying and that you value their perspective.”
Dale Carnegie’s second principle is “Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
Drs. Ken Blanchart and Spencer Johnson, authors of The One Minute Manager Knows, “Catch them in the act of doing something right.”
Bob Burg, “Verbally acknowledge it and them. Make sure everyone knows about the recognition.” (The Art of Persuasion, p118, by Bob Burg)
By acknowledging positive behavior, it gets repeated.
It’s about the beginning of building relationships.
Bob Burg’s father, Mike Burg defined “Tact as the language of Strength.”
We have all experienced people who have rolled their eyes at a simple request, making us feel unimportant. On the flip side; Bob Burg shares a story of how a little bit of empathy can go a long way.
“It was several years ago while I was in the fantastic city of St. Louis, Missouri. After being seated for lunch, the waiter made his initial approach to our table with a bit of an…attitude. He was coldly polite and acted as if he’d rather not be there at all. One could say he literally looked “pained” to even be there.”
“And, indeed, he literally was, as indicated by his pronounced limp as he walked away. So, when he came back, my friend and colleague Dixie Gillaspie — kind and thoughtful as she always is — acknowledged his obvious discomfort and asked what happened.”
“He explained that he’d been hit by a car and was in fact in extremely significant pain. We didn’t ask him why he was there at work or in any other way pry; we just let him know how badly we felt for him and that we’d try not to bother him too much with needless trips back and forth.”
“You wouldn’t believe (or, maybe you would) how polite, solicitous, and friendly he then became. In fact, he made so many trips over to check up on us that we had to try and keep from getting his attention.”
“Dixie simply verbalized her concern and showed him she cared. Not only was she not offended by his attitude, but instead valued him enough as a human being to focus on *his* situation. Consequently, he went above and beyond in trying to please us.”
Burg’s “Key Point: As human beings, we have a need to know that people care about us. And, when people show us they do, even — perhaps especially — with no obligatory reason to, we will go out of our way to make them happy.”
“It’s just another of those “Laws of Life.” as reflected on by leadership guru, John Maxwell. Maxwell recommends asking 3 questions every time you interact with someone:
1. “Do you care about me?”
“Think back to when someone has done that for you. Did you feel yourself change in your thoughts and feelings toward them? When you’ve done that for others, what were the results you noticed? I’m guessing it changed them, and that you felt pretty darned good yourself.”
The world does not revolve around you. Challenge yourself to be more empathetic when encountering someone and see what happens.
2) “Can you help me?”
Everyone desires to have an experience they can rave about.
Since the dawn of time, people have been writing about solving problems rather than listing the features of their products or services.
Who would you rather do business with?
· The broker who tells you about how long his company has been in business, or the broker who assures you that he will help guide you through life to create a comfortable retirement.
· The dentist who tries to upsell you on every additional service they offer at every visit, or the dentist whose office calls you the evening after a procedure to check in and see how you are doing.
· The carpet salesman who just sells you the flooring and installation, or the salesman who stops by on his way home from work to drop off some spot cleaner because he recognized you had a pet and wanted to make sure you were prepared “just in case”.
No one cares what you do. They only care about how you can help them.
3)“Can I trust you?”
This is the biggest element. We have all been burned by someone who we thought we could trust and that often times makes us shy away from new relationships and opportunities.
Heartbreaks happen
Disappointments happen
Failures happen
You can either assign blame to the person who you feel harmed you and never expand your circle of influence, or you can realize that challenges are part of the game of life, and adding and trimming from your circle is essential to continuous growth.
Are you ready to stop flapping your gums and start listening?
Madeline Frank, Ph.D., is an Amazon.com Best Selling Author, speaker, business owner, teacher, concert artist, and parent. She helps businesses and organizations “Tune Up their Business”. Her observations show you the blue prints necessary to improve and keep your business successful. Her latest book “Leadership On A Shoestring Budget” is available everywhere books are sold. Contact Madeline Frank for your next live or zoom speaking engagement at mfrankviola@gmail.com
