"3 Ways To Deal With Toxic People!" By Madeline Frank, Ph.D., DTM

How do you deal with toxic people? When someone comes in your office demanding money for doing a job or angrily complains about something, how do you handle him or her?

The key to everything in life is to “respond” not to “react ” to the situation!

Recently I was at work when an angry contractor walked in dressed up as Darth Vader or the Grim Reaper, take your pick, demanding money for a job! I calmly looked him in the eye, listened to him vent, and waited patiently for him to wind down.

After he finished speaking, "I asked him for a signed invoice and purchase order, with the start date of the job agreed to by our General Manager (GM) and a final completion date (month, date, and year) signed by our GM that the job was completed satisfactorily. Include the before and after pictures of the job. Also I informed him that checks are paid in our accounting office every two weeks on Friday. This is our business's policy"!

The contractor said, "I don't have any of these documents and I want my money now!"

I replied calmly once again, "Bring in the necessary documents signed and dated by our GM with pictures and I will be happy to pay you for your work. Checks to contractors are paid in our accounting office every two weeks on Friday! This is our business's policy"!

A few days later on a Friday the contractor brought in the necessary papers dated and signed by our GM with the necessary pictures. I said, "Your check will be ready for you next Friday."

What are 3 ways to deal with toxic people?

1) Look them in the eye, and listen carefully as they vent. Do not interrupt or argue with them just listen until they wind down! By remaining calm you neutralize the difficult person and disarm them!

2) When they have finished speaking do not judge or accuse them.

Develop a solution with the steps for solving the problem. If the problem concerns an angry contractor, present your business's policy.

After the difficult person or contractor leaves, write down the entire conversation you had with him or her and the time and date, (month, day, and year), with your solution to the problem, and put it in your file for your records!

At our business, our policy is to have a signed invoice and purchase order, with the start date of the job agreed to by our GM and a final completion date signed by our GM that the job was completed satisfactorily. We tell our contractors and venders when checks are paid in our accounting office!

What is your business's policy for your contractors or vendors to be paid?

3) If the contractor is verbally abusive and tries to bully you walk away! You are no ones doormat!

Remember to respond to toxic people do not react to them!

Madeline Frank, Ph.D., DTM,  helps businesses and organizations "Tune Up their Businesses". Her innovative observations show you the blue prints necessary to improve and keep your business successful. She writes a monthly newsletter "Madeline's Monthly article & Musical Tips Blog" and a monthly radio show "Madeline's One Minute Musical Radio Show". Her book "Leadership On A Shoestring Budget" is available on Amazon or Kindle. She is also an Amazon.com Best Selling Author, John Maxwell Team Member, Certified World Class Speaking Coach, sought after speaker, business owner, teacher, researcher, and concert artist.

Contact Madeline Frank for your next speaking engagement at mfrankviola@gmail.com

Do You Keep Your Promises? Madeline Frank, Ph.D., DTM

How often do you make a promise? Do you keep your promises?

Professor William Lincer, my teacher and mentor at the Juilliard School, asked me to promise, before he died on July 31, 1997 that I would contact two of the greatest thinkers on the brain in the 20^th Century and have a dialogue with them. The two men were Dr. Gerald Edelman and Dr. Oliver Sacks, medical doctors, researchers, scientists, and lifelong musicians.

Dr. Oliver Sacks was a physician specializing in neurologist. He was an author of many books including “Awakenings”, “Musicophilia” and Professor of Neurology at NYU School of Medicine.

Professor Lincer during my studies with him at the Juilliard School introduced me to many of Dr. Sacks’ books. I enjoyed reading and studying them. I sent a letter to Dr. Sacks after Professor Lincer had passed away and included an article on my research for my new book, “The Secret of Teaching Science & Math Through Music”. I asked Dr. Sacks several important questions about students coping with epilepsy, cerebral palsy, brain cancers, Parkinson’s, and neurological diseases.

On December 31, 1997, Dr. Sacks wrote me saying he was “just now making a New Year’s resolution to try and answer all delinquent mail by midnight!”

He said, “You bring up far too many deep questions and issues for me to have ready answers to! I take the liberty of enclosing a paper from a conference we had at the inauguration of the Institute for Music & Neurological Function at Beth Abraham Hospital in 1994. I have been very much for music and music therapy, as you know, ever since I first encountered my Awakening patients in 1966”.

The article Dr. Sacks sent me was about an elderly patient who had broken her hip. She had had an operation to repair her hip and had physical therapy and yet she was unable to walk. The MRI said the hip had not been repaired.

Dr. Sacks asked the patient, “If she had moved her hip recently?” She responded that, “She had kept time to the music at a Christmas concert by moving her leg in time to a dance piece.” Dr. Sacks had a music therapist play dance music for the patient to move to in dance motions to the rhythm of the music. After a month she was able to walk once more.

Dr. Sacks began studying the piano as a small child and has continued playing throughout his life. He says “music has been the profoundest non-chemical medication for our patients. What we see, fundamentally, is the power of music to organize-and do this efficaciously as well as joyfully, when abstract or schematic forms of organization fail.”

Dr. Sacks had a patient suffering from severe Alzheimer’s. The patient “responded to ballroom music by taking his wife in his arms and looking into her eyes and dancing with her.”

One of his patients had a stroke and could no longer walk or talk. Dr. Sacks brought in an accordionist who played a familiar song, and the patient started to sing the song with him. Music has the power to stimulate memory. “Memory says Dr. Sacks, is the key to a sense of self” and music evokes emotion and emotion can bring it's memory.”

Dr. Oliver Sacks’ Legacy:

Dr. Oliver Sacks leaves a legacy of case studies of his patients observing their uniqueness. He cared so much to help others and teach them that their affliction made them unique. Dr. Sacks said, “I am a storyteller, for better and for worse. I suspect that a feeling for stories, for narrative, is a universal human disposition, going with our powers of language, consciousness of self, and autobiographical memory.”

Dr. Oliver Sacks also said, “In examining disease, we gain wisdom about anatomy and physiology and biology. In examining the person with disease, we gain wisdom about life. If we wish to know about a man, we ask 'what is his story--his real, inmost story?'--for each of us is a biography, a story. Each of us is a singular narrative, which is constructed, continually, unconsciously, by, through, and in us--through our perceptions, our feelings, our thoughts, our actions; and, not least, our discourse, our spoken narrations. Biologically, physiologically, we are not so different from each other; historically, as narratives--we are each of us unique.” ― Oliver Sacks, The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat and Other Clinical Tales

Dr. Gerald Edelman was a physician, 1972 Nobel Prize winner in Physiology /medicine for immunology, neuroscientist for his theory of the brain- “Neural Darwinism”, professor, researcher, author, and musician. His interest was in “how the brain works”. Dr. Edelman began playing the violin as a young boy and thought about being a concert violinist. Throughout his life Dr. Edelman has continued to play his violin.

Professor Lincer during my studies with him at the Juilliard School introduced me to Dr. Edelman’s book “Brilliant Air, Brilliant Fire: On The Matter Of The Mind” and his articles. I was fascinated as I read and studied them. Professor Lincer said, “Dr. Gerald Edelman is the most brilliant mind of this century.”

I sent a letter to Dr. Edelman after Professor Lincer passed away about the research Professor Lincer and I had done on how music stimulates the brain to promote scholastic excellence. Included was an article Professor Lincer and I had worked on together and my research on a study done on a Virginia public middle school of economically deprived students taking string and band classes and monitoring their grades throughout the school year.

I summarized my research in my new book, “The Secret of Teaching Science & Math Through Music”.

I asked Dr. Edelman several important questions about students coping with epilepsy, cerebral palsy, brain cancers, Parkinson’s, and neurological diseases.

On September 15, 1997, Dr. Edelman wrote back  “I was sad that Professor Lincer died. He was a superb musician and broad ranging spirit.” He went on to say, “ Your enterprise using musical training to enhance the scholastic performance of deprived children is a noble one. Unfortunately, there are at present no firm grounds for answering your medically directed questions. Before looking at patients with various disorders, a sound database on normal subjects will have to be collected. …..A few of my colleagues at Neurosciences Institute are beginning to look into these problems but I’m afraid it will be some time before satisfactory answers are forthcoming.”                

Dr. Edelman at the end of his letter said, “You have tapped into some very important issues and your questions are well placed. In any event, your observational data should make a real contribution to the fields of music and education in general.”  

Dr. Gerald Edelman’s Theory of “Neural Darwinism” as a musical metaphor:

Dr. Gerald Edelman said: “Think: if you had a hundred thousand wires randomly connecting four string quartet players and that, even though they weren’t speaking words, signals were going back and forth in all kinds of hidden ways [as you usually get them by the subtle nonverbal interactions between the players] that make the whole set of sounds a unified ensemble. That’s how the maps of the brain work by reentry. The players are connected. Each player, interpreting the music individually, constantly modulates and is modulated by the others. There is no final or “master” interpretation; the music is collectively created, and every performance is unique.”

I treasure both Dr. Edelman’s letter and Dr. Sacks’ letter and they are in frames above my desk as an on going inspiration to me to keep asking questions and try to help others every day.

What 3 promises will you make to yourself?

1     1) Beginning today I will make a promise to stretch my abilities by reading a book, listening to a cd by an expert, or take a course. Write down the date you make the promise (month, date, & year), and the date the promise will be completed. (Month, date, & year)

        2) By the end of the month I promise to_________. By the end of 6 months I promise to ________. Write down the date you make the promise (month, date, & year), and the date the promise will be completed. (Month, date, & year)

        3)   Once a week I promise to help someone else reach for his or her promise/goal. 

Place this sheet in front of your computer / work station so you can remember to work on it each day.  

During the Civil War, Jeb Stuart signed “his reports to General Robert E. Lee “Yours to count on” (YTCO). He meant it and so should you.

 Remember it’s never to late to make a promise and keep it!

Madeline Frank, Ph.D., DTM, John Maxwell team Member, Certified WCSC, Amazon.com Best Selling Author, sought after speaker, business owner, motivational teacher, researcher, and concert artist. She helps businesses and organizations "Tune Up their Businesses". Her innovative observations show you the blue prints necessary to improve and keep your business successful.

For over 30 years she has worked with children and adults to overcome problems in learning and memory through music. She writes a monthly newsletter "Madeline's Monthly article & Musical Tips Blog" and a monthly radio show "Madeline's One Minute Musical Radio Show". Her new book "Leadership On A Shoestring Budget " is available on amazon a book or e-book.

If you need a speaker contact Madeline at mfrankviola@gmail.com

"Gratitude For Your Mentors" by Madeline Frank, Ph.D., DTM

When did you last thank your mentors for helping you reach your goals or dreams?

Throughout your life you will have teachers, coaches, friends, family members, and bosses who inspire and motivate you to reach your goals.

Go back in time to your first school days. Who was your favorite teacher? Why?

My favorite teacher was Mr. William Whitson. He was a tall handsome young man with twinkling eyes and a big smile. He taught me to play the violin when I was 8 years old. He encouraged, motivated, and inspired me to work hard for him. He made me feel competent and capable.

Dr. John Maxwell, the number 1 leadership guru in the world said, “That teacher probably saw you as a “10”.”

If a boss, teacher, leader, or coach sees you as a “2” would you be willing to work harder for them?

When a teacher, boss, coach or leader sees you as a “10” – as capable and competent aren’t you willing to work harder for them?

At 17, I auditioned for Professor Peter Zaret for a full scholarship to attend Virginia Commonwealth University. He was tall, dark, and handsome, neatly dressed wearing a big smile. I played well at the audition and he offered me a full scholarship to the University, which I accepted. Professor Zaret made me feel like a “10” and I was willing to work hard and do my very best work for him. At his invitation I became a member of the Richmond Symphony and assisted him in teaching his adult beginning violin class. During that school year I was a violin student of Professor Zaret . He suggested at the end of the year that I audition for the Juilliard School. He was a wonderful mentor during that year at VCU and encouraged, inspired, and motivated me.

At each stage of your life’s journey you will have a different mentor to encourage, inspire, and motivate you.

Think back over each stage of your journey and write down the different mentors who saw you as a “10” and encouraged, inspired, and motivated you!

When I was 18 years I moved to NYC and lived in the Swiss Town House. My roommate was a lovely young woman named Anna Brady. She was a talented violist and artist, a few years older than me, also attending the Juilliard School. She was from a family of 10 children from New Jersey.

We became good friends and she was one of my first mentors at Juilliard. My violin teacher at the time thought of me as a “4”.

Anna said to me one day, “Come with me to meet my teacher Professor William Lincer. You will love him!”

I went with Anna and she introduced me to her teacher Professor Lincer. He was an older tall and distinguished man with dark hair with some gray, a mustache, and wore a big smile. He made an appointment to hear me play my violin for him.

After I played for him he called me a “red hot fiddler’’ and invited me to join his chamber music class even though it was full. Professor Lincer took me under his wing.

That was the day I discovered Professor Lincer thought I was a “10”. On that day he became my mentor. At the end of the school year I re-auditioned at the Juilliard to become a student of Professor Lincer full time.

Professor Lincer encouraged, motivated, and inspired his students. He took them under his wing. All his students loved and cared about him because he cared about his students. He was interested in training his students to not only be wonderful musicians but to be good thinkers. He had book assignments for reading outside of class and had you write a short book report. He also sent his students to Yoga classes to loosen up and Alexander Classes to teach coordination, balance, and movement. Professor Lincer would also check to make sure you showed up at these classes. He never left a student high and dry! He made sure his students succeeded and graduated with their Bachelors, Masters, and Ph.D.’s. He never gave up! Anna Brady graduated with her Masters at Juilliard and so did I. He thought of each of his students as a “10” and inspired, motivated, and worked with his students to help them reach their goals. His students adored him!

Through your life’s journey you will have many mentors! You will have a mentor for every part of your journey just like my mentors Mr. Whitson, Professor Zaret, Anna Brady, and Professor Lincer.

Remember to thank them and develop others just like your mentors developed you.

What are the three things you can do to be a great mentor?

1) Dr. John Maxwell says, “Make people development your top priority and see everyone you mentor as a 10.” Lift them up: The person you mentor wants to feel important, capable, and competent. Help them by raising their skills. Encourage, inspire and motivate them. Take them under your wing like Mr. Whitson, Professor Zaret, Anna Brady, and Professor Lincer did for me.

 2) Ask the people you mentor for their story and what their dream or goal is. Remember to encourage, inspire, and motivate them to reach their goals. Mentors stand behind the person they are mentoring until they are ready to solo and fly on their own.

 3) Care about the person you are mentoring and want the very best for them.

Remember through life you will have many mentors. They can be teachers, coaches, bosses, leaders, friends, and family members. These mentors will see you as a “10” and will share books, tapes, suggest courses, and will lift you up, encourage and motivate you to increase your knowledge to reach your goals.

Mentors stay the course:

1) Your mentor shows you how to do the work. (“Models”) The person being mentored watches!

2) The person being mentored does it and the mentor watches over them to see if they   need help.

3) The person being mentored tries it solo. The mentor sees if they are ready to solo on their own and fly.

I am proud to have mentored children and adults for over 30 years in schools, colleges, and businesses to reach their goals and dreams. Step up today and make mentoring others  “your top priority”!

Madeline Frank, Ph.D., DTM is an Amazon.com Best Selling Author, John Maxwell Team Member, Certified World Class Speaking Coach, sought after speaker, business owner, motivational teacher, researcher, and concert artist. She helps businesses and organizations "Tune Up their Businesses". Her innovative observations show you the blue prints necessary to improve and keep your business successful. She writes a monthly newsletter "Madeline's Monthly article & Musical Tips Blog" and a monthly radio show "Madeline's One Minute Musical Radio Show". She has just published her new book "Leadership On A Shoestring Budget" available on Amazon or Kindle.

 Contact Madeline Frank for your next speaking engagement at mfrankviola@gmail.com