How do you rule your emotions when interacting with others? Do you let your emotions rule you during difficult situations?
I'm reminded of a Coach Wooden story at the beginning of his
teaching career at South Bend Central High School when one of his students,
fathers was on the school board. Coach was 99% sure he would recommend this
student for a high school basketball letter even if he did not fit the
criteria. This student "had worked hard with a good positive attitude
throughout the season, and though he lacked adequate playing time, Wooden
strongly considered him for a varsity letter in basketball."
Coach Wooden said, " A few days before I had
written out my final list of letterman, the player's father
"suddenly" appeared in my office. Without even a hello, he demanded
to know -"Are you going to put his son's name on the list?"
"I haven't made my final decision yet. I may include him,
but technically your son doesn't qualify."
" The man poked his finger in Coach's chest and threatened,
"Wooden, he'd better get a letter or I'll have your job."
Wooden was angry and even challenged the man to "settle
things outside."
"Emotion had taken
over for common sense, and fortunately, the boy's father stormed
out of the office, but not before he repeated his demand and threatened
Wooden's coaching job. Emotions got the best of him and he decided not to
recommend the young man for a letter even though moments before he was 99
percent" planning on doing so.
Coach said, "It was an awful thing for me to do. In fact,
after turning in the list of student athletes who were going to get letters, I
came to my senses, cooled off, and tried to get the boy's name added. But it
was too late."
What valuable lessons did Coach Wooden learn that
day about "ruling your emotions" during difficult situations?
1) "If you let your emotions take over, you'll be outplayed
because you'll make unnecessary errors; your judgment will be impaired"
2) "A volatile leader is like a bottle of nitroglycerine. The
slightest knock and it blows up. Those around nitroglycerine or a temperamental
boss spend all their time carefully tiptoeing back and forth rather than doing
their jobs. It is not an environment conductive to a winning
organization."
3) "Strive to provide a leadership model that is dependable
and reliable and productive in the area of emotions."
Coach Wooden, over time became very good at
ruling his emotions. He was later called "a cold fish" and
considered it a compliment. His former student and player Fred Slaughter
described Coach Wooden, as "cool when it counted; his confidence and
strength became ours. He had a positive attitude, focusing on moving forward
with what we had to learn to make us better." Slaughter said about Coach
Wooden, "A cool leader prevents overheating." ("Wooden On
Leadership" by John Wooden and Steve Jamison)
For over 70 years Coach taught his students, teachers, assistant
coaches, and family members the importance of "self-control". He
said, "Practice self-discipline and keep emotions under control. Good
judgment and common sense are essential." (Wooden's "Pyramid of
Success")
Coach Wooden 70 years later still remembered how he let his
emotions interfere with his good judgment disappointing that young basketball
player who did not receive a basketball letter.
Coach Wooden lead by the
following "3 Rules":
1) "Control emotion or emotion will control you."
2) "Avoid excess. Shoot for moderation."
3) "Instill emotional discipline."
Coach Wooden wore a poker face. After winning a championship, he
was asked by the news media how he felt about it. He said, "I'm
pleased!"
In my early years as a professor at a local college on a
military base in Virginia, I was teaching a three-credit course required for
all Bachelors degrees. We were reviewing the materials for our first test of
the semester and everyone was taking notes. One of my students, an officer in
the military, told his fellow classmates and me during our class, "that he
had a photographic memory and did not need to write anything down." I
said, "It's always good to write something down to jog your memory at a
later time."
A week later we had our first test. After grading the papers,
everyone in the class had made A's and B+'s accept "Mr. Photographic
memory" whose grade on the test was an "F".
I handed the test papers back to the class the next week of
class.
After class "Officer Photographic memory" waited till
everyone in the class had left and cornered me in the room and said, "If
you do not give me an "A" on this test I will make up a false charge
against you. I am an officer in the CIA."
"I took a deep breath, remained calm and quiet, and
listened to him. When he finished talking, I asked him "What happened to
your photographic memory?" He made no reply and left.
After class I went home and thought about the student's threat
to me. The next morning I called the Dean of the College and reported the
student's name and the threat he had made to me, after failing his test."
The Dean said, "Give him what he deserves. I will
take care of him! He is CID, Central Intelligence Department".
What three steps can
you take for "ruling your emotions" during difficult situations?
1) Take 1 to 2 deep breathes, remain calm, and quiet!
2) Listen to the threatening person without interrupting or
arguing with them.
3) When the threatening person leaves, focus your thinking on
how to resolve the situation.
If you need assistance then asked yourself is
there an honest and trustworthy person in control of the organization who can
advise me? In my case the Dean of the College was the best person to advise me.
These 3 steps will keep you "ruling your emotions"
like Coach Wooden . Remember to wear a poker face like a good businessman
and as Coach Wooden said, "Seek consistency-avoid peaks and valleys.
Avoid excess. Shoot for moderation."
Madeline Frank, Ph.D., DTM is an award winning teacher,
Amazon.com Best Selling Author, 2017 Coach Wooden Certificate of Excellence,
John Maxwell Team Member, Certified World Class Speaking Coach, sought after
speaker, business owner, and concert artist. She helps businesses and
organizations "Tune Up their Businesses". Her innovative observations
show you the blue prints necessary to improve and keep your business
successful. She writes a monthly newsletter "Madeline's Monthly article
& Musical Tips Blog" and a monthly radio show "Madeline's One
Minute Musical Radio Show". Her book "Leadership On A Shoestring
Budget" is available on Amazon or Kindle.