Dale Carnegie said, “Let the other person save face.” (p. 177, Chapter 21, Dale Carnegie’s “How to Enjoy Your Life and your Job”)
Dale Carnegie, “Years ago the General Electric Company was faced with the delicate task of removing Charles Steinmetz from the head of a department. Steinmetz was a genius when it came to electricity. He was a washout as the head of the calculating department. Yet the company didn’t dare offend the man. He was indispensable- and highly sensitive.”
He offered great value…just not in his current position. They created a position that played perfectly to his strengths and gave him the title of “Consulting Engineer of the General Electric Company—a new title for work he was already doing—and let someone else head up the department."
He was thrilled.
"So were the officers of the General Electric Company. They had gently maneuvered their most temperamental star, and they had done it without a storm—by letting him save his face."
Being considerate of other people’s feelings and allowing them to preserve their ego can pay huge dividends. Oftentimes, Carnegie says, “we ride roughshod over the feelings of others, getting our own way, finding fault, issuing threats, criticizing a child or an employee in front of others, without even considering the hurt to the other person’s pride! Whereas a few minutes’ thought, a considerate word or two, a genuine understanding of the other person’s attitude would go so far toward alleviating the sting!”
Carnegie Continues, “Firing employees is not much fun. Getting fired is even less fun.” (I’m quoting now from a letter written me by Marshall A. Granger, a certified public accountant.) “Our business is mostly seasonal. Therefore, we have to let a lot of men go in March.”
“It’s a byword in our profession that no one enjoys wielding the axe. Consequently, the custom has developed of getting it over as soon as possible, and usually in the following way: ‘Sit down, Mr. Smith. The season’s over, and we don’t seem to see any more assignments for you. Of course, you understand that you were only employed for the busy season anyhow, etc., etc.’
“The effect on the men was one of disappointment, and a feeling of being ‘let down’. Most of them were in the accounting field for life, and they retained no particular love for the firm that dropped them so casually.”
“I recently decided to let our extra men go with a little more tact and consideration. So, I have called each man in only after carefully thinking over his work during the winter. And I’ve said something like this: ‘Mr. Smith, you’ve done a fine job (if he has). That time we sent you over to Newark, you had a tough assignment. You were on the spot, but you came through with flying colors, and we want you to know the firm is proud of you. You’ve got the stuff—you’re going a long way, wherever you’re working. This firm believes in you, and is rooting for you, and we don’t want you to forget it!’
While we look at temporary work as commonplace today, back when this was written, people viewed it as a stepping stone toward a more permanent position.
Marshall Granger, “Effect? The men go away feeling a lot better about being fired. They don’t feel ‘let down’. They know if we had work for them, we’d keep them on. And when we need them again, they come to us with a keen personal affection.”
Dale Carnegie said, "The late Dwight Morrow possessed an uncanny ability to reconcile belligerents who wanted to fly at each other’s throats. How? He scrupulously sought what was right and just on both sides—he praised it, emphasized it, brought it carefully to the light—and no matter what the settlement, he never placed any man in the wrong."
"That’s what every arbitrator knows—let men save their faces."
“Even if we are right and the other person is definitely wrong, we only destroy ego by causing someone to lose face. The legendary French aviation pioneer and author Antoine de Saint-Exupéry wrote: “I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime.”
― Dale Carnegie, "How to Enjoy Your Life And Your Job”, P. 179.
Dale Carnegie continues, "A real leader will always…Let the other person save face.”
Madeline Frank, Ph.D. is an Amazon.com Best Selling Author, speaker, business owner, teacher, conductor, and concert artist. She helps businesses and organizations “Tune Up their Business”. Her observations show you the blue prints necessary to improve and keep your business successful. Her latest book “Leadership On A Shoestring Budget” is available everywhere books are sold. If you need a speaker or video speaker contact Madeline at:
mfrankviola@gmail.com